Carla Barkley Wood

Renewed Promise of Hope

June 21, 2014 Carla Barkley Wood

June 21-22, 2014

One year ago tonight, we were rehearsing for the happiest day of our lives. There were many obstacles trying to prevent Taylor and Michelle’s wedding from being all they had dreamed. Her wonderful mother, Dana, and I were nervous as so many things seemed to be going wrong. As we were trying to quietly practice the wedding ceremony, the double booked party at our event center began to spread outside where we were.

Out popped a very dear CVCS teacher who was close to most of the wedding party, Claudia Mehlhaff. As we visited with her, the joy and concern disappeared from mine and Michelle’s mom’s faces. As we turned back to finish the rehearsal, this beautiful perfect rainbow, photographed by my brother, Matt, hung over the backdrop to the wedding ceremony. Dana and I knew the wedding was to be perfect and God wanted us to trust Him with everything.

The wedding day was anointed and many commented on the sweet joyful spirit that filled the evening. We all felt the special presence of the Holy Spirit and I wondered at the time why He would shower us with so much joy and hope. He knew we would have to hold onto that moment as the year passed on from there. He also knew that I would need my precious “daughter-in-love” to sweeten our lives. I’m so grateful for her!

This week has been perhaps one of the hardest for me, yet today as I was allowing myself to grieve today, at just the right moment God sent a text through someone, who normally does not text me, with a word of encouragement, He prompted a friend to call me that I was aching to talk to, and He gave me a massage therapist who understood my faith and needed to hear my story today for her own encouragement. All week messages from so many on Facebook and others I have seen have loved on me for God reminding me of His rainbow promise from last year. He is so faithful!

Once again I began to start thanking God for his constant faithfulness to meet me where I am and to help me get through another stage of grief, another first, another “should have been”. I’m thankful for Michelle and her wonderful family, for my precious husband and our amazing children, Shawn, Drew, Bethany, Angie and Josie. I’m thankful for Taylor and Michelle’s friends and their constant love and support and for all of them, like Paul, who are taking such good care of our “daughter-in-love”. I’m again thankful for all of you who have been so faithful to pray and love on us this year in ways I’ve never felt loved before!

Most of all I’m thankful for our story of hope: When grief hits so hard I can’t breathe, I can look up to the Giver of Hope and rejoice knowing He has overcome the world!

John 16:33 (NIV)“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (Bethany’s favorite verse).

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Kisses and Miracles Never Cease

March 7, 2014 Carla Barkley Wood

The last few weeks have been difficult – Valentine’s and family Birthdays without Taylor, going through his things, traveling, illness, walking through grief with others. Weary and exhausted today, I asked God again for an extra ounce of strength in this very busy week. As usual, He faithful provided it in unexpected ways.

Two of my students’ and their mom are walking through the final stages of brain cancer with their dad. The younger of the two girls is in my elementary worship team. Knowing how much worship has been the key to my strength this year and realizing that this daddy had not ever seen his little girl help lead chapel, the Lord put in on mine and my co-director’s heart to take the worship team to their house today for a time of worship.

The first kiss from God came in the songs we had chosen to sing. They were not handpicked by us for this family. My co-director had chosen our list of songs to sing at the Rescue Mission the week before, so it was an easy decision to use all those songs for our visit today. But as we sang each of the 7 songs, it became evident that the Lord handpicked them for this family as the messages were specifically for their situation.

The second kiss, truly a miracle, from God came in the response from this father. He has not been able to talk very well for a month nor has he been able to speak at all for the past week. In each of the songs, he was able to mouth almost every word. From an old hymn to new worship songs, he participated silently and blessed each of us as we saw him connect with our Lord in pure worship. His wife watched with us in awe. The miracle of seeing that sweet man of God expressing his love for his Savior on his lips will be forever imprinted in my mind.

The concluding kiss came at the end. When we were done, we noticed a little statue on a nearby shelf that had our school theme for the month of March with our verse of the month: FAITH – Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” A perfect ending to a perfect moment planned by God.

Not only did I get that extra ounce (actually pounds) of strength, but our students and all of us were able to see the face of God and feel His love and encouragement in the midst of pain. We left with confidence and tearful joy that His love would remain there, wrapping this precious family in peace and comfort.

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Kisses Come From God When We Need Them Most

January 21, 2014 Carla Barkley Wood

As of yesterday, January 20, 2014, our son, Taylor has been in Heaven for 6 months. I don’t see this as “six months without him” but “six months closer to seeing him in Heaven!” Some days I need reminders of this and, once again, God sends me a kiss reminding me He is in control and loves me.

I was began missing him deeply today when Taylor’s friend, Kevin McGinnis, emailed me the tribute he read at Taylor’s Celebration of Life Memorial Service. It once again fired my hope and understanding that Taylor’s life was not lived in vain, he is in the best place with the Most High, and that we are to carry on for him with the same kind of joy he gave to all of us with determination and confidence in Christ in us! Thank you, Kevin!

From Kevin McGinnis – July 27, 2013
Last Saturday evening I was alone in my living quarters at work when I received news of Taylor’s passing. I couldn’t believe it, I couldn’t understand it. I asked God why…why Taylor? But I know without a doubt that Satan wanted Taylor gone because look at how many people have gathered here– how many people Taylor impacted. And this isn’t even close to everybody. For every good friend I ever had in life, Taylor had twenty-seven. It’s no wonder why Satan wanted this Spiritual Warrior gone–but now I know God’s getting the last say. I picture God sitting next to Taylor looking down at us, nudging him for a laugh to say “See Taylor, that’s why I chose you- because out of you came 100 warriors. And more to come!”

Taylor undoubtedly lived more than a full life in his 23 years– he had time to be a brother, son, friend, and husband. A drummer, singer, skateboarder and snowboarder. A fighter, forgiver, dancer, and adventurer. He did parkour, back flips, wake surfing, and fishing. He was a do-it-all man with friends and with God; he never stopped growing, and always learned new talents.

As far as him being an artist– I remember his two large paintings on his bedroom walls–and his many smaller drawings and paintings all representing something special, something important. Whether it was a dream, vision, feeling, or memory, he was able to display it with color. Colorful dreams, colorful memories.

Aside from drumming, he loved to call me up to come over to hear his new acoustic songs as he finished them. I’d go upstairs to his room and listen to his dedicated works where each word in the lyrics was selected to be in there, every line meant something special to him. Again, his colorful attitude shown in his poetry and lyrics…out of music came his feelings and emotions.

Speaking of music– I know many relate to his moments on the way to the skate park or up to Bogus when he’d be driving Carla’s minivan and blaring Coheed and Cambria or screamo, or on other days Taylor Swift. He wasn’t stuck in any one genre, he lived open to anything– and found the good in everything. So if Taylor Swift fit the mood, I’d suck it up and sing along with him.

The storyteller in Taylor was something special. He could turn Bambi into lions, a mole hill into mountains, and a puddle into a pond with fountains. I don’t think, now, that he realized some stories were larger than real life, because it wasn’t the size of the fish that mattered to Taylor– it was the excitement behind catching the fish– so to say.

Speaking of excitement, I hope you all had a chance to watch Taylor dance at some point. As with everything else, he had a gift for it. I would spin, he would spin kick. I would jump, he would back flip. I would try to shake it, but he already was.

I think he was a self taught genius when it came to his many talents– because when I’d be on YouTube looking up How To’s, he would be out trying things. Experimenting and experiencing. That’s what Taylor’s life was about…adventure.

Above all else, Taylor was a lover. He was the one brother in Christ that I had a true connection with for years. We always made it a point to have nights alone to share feelings, hardships, blessings, and relationships. Always positive and full of advice, he was a man of morals. As we could see with his beautiful marriage to Michelle, he understood God’s love. He knew how to treat his lady right and follow Rule #3. Never forget Rule #3, Everybody Love Everybody.

The Word of God says, “There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother,” and that was true of Taylor to more friends than just me. The Scripture also says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another,” and this, too, rings true of our brother Tay.

This isn’t a time to recognize death, but to honor life. I find rejoicing today because of Taylor’s life. The Bible tells us that this battle in life is not of flesh and blood, but between the angels and demons. This is a Spiritual world. Taylor’s body was not the most important part of Taylor– it was his Spirit, and that is more alive now than ever… Taylor is more alive now than ever. If you don’t know the love of Jesus, you couldn’t have understood the love of Taylor. Recognizing his life is where I begin today–starting to step out of myself and into God.

If I could thank Taylor today, I would say to him, “Brother, you have lived as God asks us to, and through you I knew him more. You showed me how to fight this worldly battle–you showed me how to win. Thank you for your example in love. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for the Light you left behind, it is burning ever brighter like the first Light of day. I promise to God, because of your life, that I, too, will share this Light. I love you, brother, thank you for your life.”

And to all of you here, I mean that, if you haven’t found Jesus, you haven’t found life. I am confident that Taylor showed you love, and that’s the first step to finding Life. Talk to me, talk to Michelle, talk to the Woods or Jamison, Paul or Trevor. Ask anybody for more Love, and you will end up finding Jesus. Use Taylor’s life as motivation. Use Taylor’s life as a celebration.

I started a new habit today honoring God as Taylor showed me to, with every moment. I find rejoicing at this Celebration of Taylor’s Life. I miss Taylor… but I am ready to accept his eternal life because it gives so many of us a reason for a Celebration of Life, every day.

KEVIN AND TAYLOR ON A BOATING TRIP 🙂

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My Day Today

January 10, 2014 Carla Barkley Wood

The unconditional loving touch of my Savior,
A glance into his delighted face,
The unfathomable electrifying joy never felt before,
His compassion poured into my heart for others in pain,
I asked,
He gave
His undeserved gifts freely to me.
I stand in awe, satisfied.

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A Christmas Carol: My Thoughts on Tiny Tim

December 24, 2013 Carla Barkley Wood

“And how did little Tim behave?” asked Mrs. Cratchit, when she had rallied Bob on his credulity and Bob had hugged his daughter to his heart’s content.

“As good as gold,” said Bob, “and better. Somehow he gets thoughtful, sitting by himself so much, and thinks the strangest things you ever heard. He told me, coming home, that he hoped the people saw him in the church, because he was a cripple, and it might be pleasant to them to remember upon Christmas Day, who made lame beggars walk, and blind men see.”
― Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

A couple of years ago, my obsession with A Christmas Carol became evident to my family. My son, Taylor, who resides now in Heaven, asked, “Mama, why do you have every version of that movie possible!? Don’t you get sick of it?”

“It’s the best movie ever, Taylor, because it always reminds me of what is really important at Christmas. Besides, what a blast to watch Scrooge shock everyone at the end!”

My favorite versions are the ones where, in the end, you get to see the presents Scrooge showers on people who have feared him. The best shocker is where Mrs. Cratchit doesn’t know whether to karate chop Scrooge Miss Piggy-style or wrap him in a huge bear hug.

The compassionate depth of this story is obvious to me except one line that always confounded me: Tiny Tim’s comment quoted by his father, “…that he hoped the people saw him in the church, because he was a cripple, and it might be pleasant to them to remember upon Christmas Day, who made lame beggars walk, and blind men see.” – Until this year.

Would it be asking for pity if it were me? This year, it has become real to me. Although five months have passed, I still get to share with people the familiar phrase, “Our son, Taylor, was married and twenty-eight days later went to be with Jesus.” I finally get Tiny Tim! Sometimes I hesitate to share the news because I don’t want people to think I’m looking for pity. But I am truly thankful for this tragedy so I can share my next phrase of hope and my anchor, “But I know for certain he is with Jesus and our Lord is doing great things with this loss and holding me up in joy as I hold His hand tighter than ever!”

Last night, I saw a friend who did not know of our loss. I shared the first part of the story, and then we were interrupted. Thinking of Tiny Tim, I couldn’t go on today until I called him to share the rest of the story. I don’t want to share my story without the joy because there is no need for pity, just a chance to share, that in the midst of trials, there is hope for everyone. Tiny Tim saw the silver lining of gratitude in his life. When others see me, may it be pleasant to them to remember upon Christmas Day, who made a way for my son to have eternal life.

Merry Christmas. I pray for silver lining perspective in each heart and “God bless us, every one!”

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Thankful for Surprised Amazement

November 21, 2013November 21, 2013 Carla Barkley Wood

Thankful 2013-Day 21: After reading my new One Thousand Gifts Devotional today I am thankful for surprised amazement that God gives me in the midst of my grief in the loss of our son, Taylor. In this Ann Voskamp reminds us that “expectations kill relationships – especially with God” and she repented from “entitlement that steals joy.”

I expected all my children to live long lives and outlive me, but as I sit back and keep my eyes open, waiting for faithful kisses from God without expectations or entitlement, He consistently surprises me with moments of joy.

A moment last Friday where a young student gave me a stuffed Snoopy dog as a gift she had been holding onto for me for over two years. She knew Peanuts is a favorite of mine, but she didn’t know they were Taylor’s favorites too. In the last two weeks, I had been praying about having something for us to hold in all our family pictures to remember Taylor.

Snoopy was the answer to my prayer and if this little girl had remembered to bring Snoopy a few years ago, it would not have meant so much to me. God’s reminder to her last week was a kiss of joy for me that I needed this week. Once again, I’m surprised and amazed at His desire to touch me in a special way in His perfect timing.

“Eucharisteo always precedes a miracle!” (Voskamp)

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My Tribute to Taylor, Our Second Born Son, Our Adventurer

August 5, 2013August 5, 2013 Carla Barkley Wood

Carla Wood – July 25, 2013

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. Hebrews 11:1 NLT

Psalm 20

In times of trouble, may the Lord answer your cry.
May the name of the God of Jacob keep you safe from all harm.
²May he send you help from his sanctuary
and strengthen you from Jerusalem.
⁴May he grant your heart’s desires
and make all your plans succeed.
⁵May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory
and raise a victory banner in the name of our God.
May the Lord answer all your prayers.

⁶Now I know that the Lord rescues his anointed king.
He will answer him from his holy heaven
and rescue him by his great power.
⁷Some nations boast of their chariots and horses,
but we boast in the name of the Lord our God.
⁸Those nations will fall down and collapse,
but we will rise up and stand firm.

That last part of that verse was one of Taylor’s favorite verses. He loved anything to do with cowboys and horses. As you listened to me read this passage from Psalm you might have asked, “How were your prayers answered?” As a follower of Jesus Christ, our greatest prayer is that each family member and friend gives their whole heart and life to Jesus so we can be in Heaven together forever. We know beyond any doubt that although Taylor was not perfect, just like we are not perfect, he is in Heaven with Jesus living ecstatically in awe and wonder of all the amazing things God had promised him if he would trust Jesus with his whole heart.

When Taylor was 4, he asked Jesus into his heart. He wanted to be a good boy and he knew he couldn’t do it on his own. After he asked Jesus into his heart I told him about how I needed to spend time with Jesus every day, reading my Bible and talking with Jesus to help me to be a good Mommy. Shortly after this, I had an impatient moment with Taylor and he tugged at my shirt and said with his little Bostonian accent, “Mama, did yo have yo Jesus time? I think yo need yo Jesus time.”

From the age of 4-6, we homeschooled in Oxbow, OR. Each morning after breakfast, Taylor would get all of us in the living room. He would grab his cowboy hat and his stick horse, and the kids and I would run around singing with Steven Curtis Chapman, “The Great Adventure” or as Taylor would say “Saddle up Your Horses”. He wouldn’t let us do our Bible time until that song was sung and danced to. It is the first song on his life video J.

Taylor really knew what was important in life.

When he didn’t dress or keep his hair the way I thought was best for him in high school, I love how he gently gave me a scriptural reminder, “Mama, man looks to the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.” Taylor always saw beyond the outside of people and saw what God saw in their hearts and could recognize what they were created to be. He would often make a quick call and say, “Mama, pray for so-and-so. They really need prayer this week.” He would never tell me what the problem was, keeping his friends’ personal lives confidential, but he knew the power of prayer could change lives and wanted all his friends to have the same peace and relationship with Jesus that he had.

Taylor didn’t just have a free ticket to Heaven when he asked Jesus into his heart; he saw life as an adventure to learn more about God in nature and an adventure to see who God wanted him to reach out to next. He didn’t preach a lot, he loved people where they were and expected the best out of them while having a lot of fun along the way.

Taylor felt closest to God in the Idaho outdoors. It started first in our family campouts. I saw his relationship with Jesus first grow in our garden. Raspberries, my favorite food, were abundant in our back yard in July. In grade school and junior high, Taylor was always the first one up summer mornings and would say, “Hey Mama, let’s go have breakfast!” Out to the garden the two of us would go to pick raspberries and eat them as we talked noticing cool things about God from the garden. He loved to be close to God in nature so when I went to the river to see where he took his last breath I had a deep sense of peace knowing he flew to heaven from a place he would go to hear God speak. It was a safe place, not dangerous, but beautiful and we all realized why he was so excited to play there.

During my back surgeries over the last few years, Taylor always slept on our sectional couch while I reclined in my sleep. His hand was always stretched out to touch my hand or leg. For 2-3 weeks for each surgery, he would do this and make sure I had whatever I need and prayed to ease my pain even on days he worked his 10 hour shifts.

Taylor was very creative in a mechanical way and in business, art and music. He loved to paint. If you ever saw his bedroom, he and his friends were allowed to draw on the walls. Although he loved his mechanic work, he longed to use his art and entrepreneur gifts more. His self- portrait is in the foyer that he made at a summer art school near my sister, his Aunt Carolyn’s in Annapolis. We hope you each will take a magnet copy of this which his aunt has made as a gift for all of you.

As the Lord has ministered to me this week he keeps showing me a vision of Taylor painting his heart out in worship of God with the outdoors in Heaven. Some of his favorite past times were playing and singing with Michael Pease, Stephen and the gang. Michael and Stephen are doing a concert thinking of us today. A big favorite was going with Trevor Powers in high school, downtown, playing on the street corner on Taylor’s snare drum with Trevor on the guitar making more money than they expected. He was never quite sure his voice was good enough to follow the path his two friends had found, but Michelle said his voice was improving so much and he loved to sing this past month even more. His new singing genre was reggae in Hawaii but making up his own new words to it. I’m anxious to hear what he has written in Heaven for the Lord. I think we should expand the Christian reggae genre on earth. Hmmm…

One of my sweetest memories was when he was in junior high at that typical junior high stage with an “I-don’t’need-my-parents” attitude. However, he would ask at the end of a tiring day, “Mama, could we lay on your bed, cuddle, and watch “Little House on the Prairie?” This went on for about a month until we had watched every episode of Little House and moved onto The Walton’s. J

Taylor was the only one of our 4 kids that called me mama. I will forever hear his frequent phrases, “Mama, guess what God did for me today?” “Mama, please pray…” “Mama I found the greatest place.” Especially missed will be his random phone calls or texts that simply said, “I love you Mama!” My favorite Mama moment was in January 2012 when he asked, “Mama, would you please pray that God will give me a wife who is perfect for me?”

“Well sure Taylor, I have done that since you were little but I will be intentional about it now. What’s the deal with Michelle True? Why aren’t you dating her?” I replied.

“I can’t do that, she is my best friend. I wouldn’t want to ruin our friendship.”

“Well Taylor, best friends usually make the best spouses. At your age, maybe you should rethink that.”

Shortly after that, Michelle started spending every day at our house and we all fell in love with her, along with Taylor J. God knew that we would need Michelle and her amazing family to help us get through this. Treasures they are in our lives forever.

To Taylor, yo Mama loves you, and she will always have her Jesus time sending messages to you through Him. I hold Jesus hand knowing he will pass on the information to you holding his other. Thank you for daring us to dream, loving people the way Jesus does, and preparing us to carry on your adventures. Dad and I always told you, with your strong will and spirit, God would do great things through you. Thanks for cheering us on up there encouraging us to continue to pass on the love you have given to others and make the world a more loving and fun place. We promise to make your domino affect change the world into a better place as you did.

To our Lord Creator, thank you for giving us 23 amazing years with our son. For using his gifts to love others and make his life an amazing adventure. Thank you for giving him the happiest year of his life with friends, the completely perfect wedding to the absolutely perfect woman for him. Thank you for the assurance that we know he is with you and for all the little kisses you have sent to us this week to confidently remind us he flew into your arms. Thank you for showing him the good things that happen down here and let him know how deeply we love him.

To those adults in this room, teachers at Cole Valley, Borah, Sunday school teachers and youth pastors, and parents and family, thank you for being a part of the plan God had to impart love and truth into our son’s heart that made him a man after God’s heart. Taylor, Michelle, and our other children are living proof that seeds planted in our young people will grow to serve our Living God.

To all of you, in this room, and those who were not able to be here, thank you for being such an amazing support to us. The miracle of the Body of Christ praying and reaching out is glorious and has given us strength that was supernatural this week. Despite times of crying, none of us are hopeless we have constant reassurance that Taylor is surfing in Heaven in between painting, singing and using these gifts to just completely worship his Awesome God in the fullness of His glory. He is cheering us on to persevere and reach the prize of our ultimate calling to also be with Christ.

To Gary, my sweet blessed man, thank you for raising a godly man to love and serve us and others. He has your servant’s heart and I’m deeply humbled by that. I am so glad I married you and have shared this amazing son with you. I am excited to continue close to you in this journey we are on to see what amazing things God is going to do next.

Michelle, my new amazing daughter, thank you for seeing Taylor as God saw him and for bringing out the best in him. You completed him, now we have the other part of Taylor to cherish for life. You were the answer to a lifelong prayer for Gary and me. You and God gave him the best year of his life and no one could ever ask for more at a time like this. You are the greatest treasure Taylor has brought to our family and we are so glad to have you for our forever daughter. Gary and I vow to take care of you as Taylor would.

Shawn, Angela, Drew, and Bethany, our precious children we are so grateful for on earth, thank you for loving and supporting Taylor and each other, especially during the last two months of celebration of his life and marriage. A student at Cole Valley told Shawn his senior year that our family was weird. When Shawn asked why, the reply was, “You all love each other and don’t fight.” I’m so proud that you all understand love so deeply.

To the True Family, the Wood Family, the Barkley and Clark families, as always you have been faithfully by our side. We are so blessed to have all of you and look forward to having many more adventures together making new memories with joy as Taylor would want.

To Jamison, you are technically a friend, but truly a brother. When Taylor chose you to be his best man in the wedding, it was a no brainer to Shawn and Drew and the rest of us. There is a friend that is closer than a brother and that is you. Thank you for being there with Taylor through thick and thin. We are here for you through thick and thin too.

And to all his friends new and old, especially you honored pall bearers, we started to list all of you and the list was going to be so long; we know you are grieving in some ways more deeply than we are. I wish I had time to list each and every name of Taylor’s friends. You spent more time with Taylor than we have lately and will have a bigger hole in your lives right now. Our home is open 24/7 for any of you to hang out. We want you to gather whenever you need a place in our home to play, talk, laugh, share, pray, whatever you need. I always wanted a huge family, God gave us a start with 4 and Taylor gave you to us to adopt. You will always be our kids just like Michelle. Be watching for his Birthday Party in September to join with us and celebrate our relationships with all of you!

My prayer for all my children throughout their lives is from Ephesian 3 and I want to pray this for everyone here and all whose lives have been touched by Taylor:

When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, ¹⁵the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. ¹⁶Father God, I pray that from your glorious, unlimited resources you will empower these beloved friends and family with inner strength through your Spirit. ¹⁷Then Jesus will make his home in their hearts as they trust in you. That their roots will grow down into your love and keep them strong. ¹⁸And may they have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep your love is. ¹⁹May they experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then they will be made complete as Taylor is now, with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

²⁰Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. ²¹Glory to him in the Body and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.

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The Upright Piano

April 14, 2013April 14, 2013 Carla Barkley Wood

Matthew 10:30-32 (NIV)

³⁰And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. ³¹So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

A new Christmas song, Cradle in Bethlehem, sent to me and written by my friend Andrew Greer, started a rush of nostalgia today. Right from the beginning, the soft twangy notes on an upright piano sent a flood of memories of faith pouring over my heart. Reminisce of my little girl heart starting her melodic dreams.

I come from a very musical Seattle family. My dad’s biological mother was an excellent pianist with a Julliard background and Dad played in the Seventh Fleet Naval Band plus sang and led worship in our church with his trumpet. Mom also came from a strong musical background and was a singer. They both had a deep desire for my sister and I to play the piano, but there was no money to buy one in the challenging times of the early 1970’s.

At the end of my second grade, a church family asked us to rent their home while they moved to Texas on temporary assignment. I was thrilled because they left their piano in the house and our church pianist lived just a block away! I took lessons from her and became addicted to practicing, spending hours on that beautiful instrument. Unexpectedly, nine months later, my dad got transferred to the opposite end of Seattle. No piano. No money either. My sister and I were devastated.

Shortly after our move, Mom sat us girls down and said,

“If God wants us to have a piano, we will get one! I don’t know how, but he can do anything. Let’s pray!” So we prayed for about a week, not much longer.

Mom then got a call from her old high school friend, whom she had not heard from in a while.

“Vivian, my brother owns a nursing home in Portland. They are getting rid of an upright piano and he wondered if I knew of anyone who might want it. For some reason, I thought of you. All he is asking is $50 for gas money to move it.”

Stunned, Mom caught her breath and, of course, said yes. We all did a little happy dance and praised God! Our parents scraped $50 out of the budget along with the change my sister and I found in my dad’s recliner. To top it off, our pastor’s wife heard about the miracle and offered to give us piano lessons for free. God was so good to us.

My faith grew enormously and God taught me so much through that old piano.

Bach and Beethoven, In the Garden, … The Entertainer sounded amazing on that tall black instrument, but my favorites were the Christmas carols. I heard Mary’s Boy-Child, The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire), and Carol of the Bells for the first time on those keys. So many special memories are attached to those twangy sounds.

We moved to another home and made more memories as it sat in our kitchen. With another impending move, my dad said it was too heavy to lug to another home. We sold it for $100 to apply on a new piano.

For Christmas, when I was in the seventh grade, they bought us a spinet. I loved the smaller piano but the sound of that old black upright couldn’t be replaced. The seeds planted from those early days provided a lifetime of a musical hobby for my sister and a teaching career for me that has been so fulfilling. Every time I hear an old upright sound, it reminds me of God’s concern over the smallest desires and the biggest dreams in our lives.

Incidentally, my sister’s and my faith grew so much in praying for the piano, we decided to pray for a baby brother. One year later, God gave us one of my greatest gifts in life, my brother Matthew, who is also a music teacher!

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One Thousand Gifts – by Ann Voskamp: My Healing Through Gratitude

March 7, 2013March 7, 2013 Carla Barkley Wood

I have had losses in my life like anyone my age. Some of this was from pain of losing a loved one, a child going through pain, but the most life altering was from having three surgeries in a year with one that brought damage to my voice.

My passion in life is singing and leading worship. I’m a singer and a teacher, plus I love to talk, A LOT! After my third spinal surgery, I woke to find my right vocal cord nerve was paralyzed bringing my voice to a whisper at best. This completely put my life to a stop of reflection asking God what my new purpose was to be in His journey for me. As a person with deep faith, this was still a challenge as I processed, questioning, waiting…

In June 2012, I had surgery to allow me to talk, but I still could not sing well. In August, God was gracious and allowed me to help with church worship and, in October, go back to teaching and leading worship at my school part time. Yet, I still grieved that I could not sing the way I wanted to. Although I understood that worship is a way of life and not a song, musical worship had for so long come from my heart through my larynx that I wasn’t sure how to deeply worship anymore.

In November, preparing for Thanksgiving, God challenged me to be thankful in everything. I thought I had been living a grateful life, but was still drifting towards complaining and discontentment in many areas, especially in my verbal life.

As the temptation to grumble approached, the Lord would reveal the parts of my problems to be thankful for:

Wandering Loved Ones: “Thank you, Lord, that they are alive. Thank you that they love me and want your blessing in their lives. Thank you for other loved ones close by and students that are seeking your face. Thank you for the husband who seeks your face and loves our family…”

A Broken Voice: “Thank you, Lord for the opportunities to touch lives for you in the health world because of this and help others in the same situation I’m in. Thank you that I can at least teach part time and help others to sing at school and at church. Lord, what? You don’t need perfection? Okay, I will sing, even if my cord doesn’t make the kind of sound I think it should make. I can still lift up my joyful noise to you for true worship comes from my heart and not my larynx. “

Positive growth, yet, I kept expecting, believing, waiting for a complete spectacular healing.

December 1^st: Friends commented, “You are sounding better.” I could tell there was a difference too.

December 21^st: A visit to the voice surgeon, absolutely expecting him to say I was completely healed. He scopes my throat then matter-of-factly states, “No, Carla, your cord is still completely paralyzed. I’ll see you in March, you probably won’t have a voice then, and we will discuss a permanent surgery.”

More surgery??? “No, Lord! I will not have another surgery. I’m going to trust you with this one. I would rather not talk than have a 5^th surgery.”

January: A precious loved one makes an attempt to reconnect. Gratitude begins to show its fruit. People stopping, saying, “Carla, your voice is back! You can sing! Wow! You sang great in chapel today! You are healed! When did that happen?”…

My Eyore response: “Thank you, but I’m not healed. In fact, in March I won’t have a voice at all again…” (I read this now and think how stupid I was!)

February 1^st: I was sharing my heart with our school nurse regarding all this and she jumped up and said, “You have to read this book, One Thousand Gifts!” The next week she bought the book by Ann Voskamp as a gift for me.

Ann Voskamp is what I describe as an honest and down to real life author with an incredible gift for writing in a lyrical way that is beautiful and rare. This is a book you will want to sit with for a half hour, then meditate and savor in small bites twice a day. Ann describes losses in her life – minor to major – and how gratitude opened up a whole new world as she saw God’s face in the midst of all stages of life.

What God starts, He always finishes. From November to now, through His Holy Spirit and this book, He plopped me in Gratitude Boot Camp! I had been doing the thanksgiving dance but failed to see the work He was doing, believing what the doctor said instead of seeing my Creator’s unique craftsmanship.

As I jumped deeper into gratitude, I had a bottomless sense of peace and began to think less about my voice and more about God’s purpose for my gifts, letting Him take care of my voice.

During this time, another doctor friend asked if he could refer me to a surgeon in Los Angeles who repairs voices of famous singers. The California doctor called me and said I sounded way too good for him to do surgery on me. He and my doctor friend explained that, although my nerve was still paralyzed, my vocal cord had fallen back to the middle of my larynx and was in the perfect position for vibration. With a singing specialist, they said I could very likely build endurance and range again.

I suddenly realized that God was using my voice in a wonderfully functioning capacity without a nerve to help it! I like the spectacular and had been looking for a lightning bolt to come down and strike me with healing power creating fireworks around me. Instead, he healed me with a gentle surprise patiently waiting for me to stop denying His work and realize that my gratitude broke open the doors to see the healing He had already accomplished in me.

It is now March 7^th and, other than range and stamina, my voice feels almost normal again. I’ve cancelled the doctor appointment!

I truly believe that ungratefulness clouds the truth and blessings God wants to reveal to us. I’m so grateful for the difficult times and wouldn’t trade one treasure of wisdom I’ve received from the past two years for anything.

Read One Thousand Gifts and see what miracles God is already doing in your life.

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