I can’t let this day pass without praising God for 32 years of marriage to this amazing man. He has given me so much, most importantly, 4 beautiful children and grace. Through good and bad, I am more in love with Gary than I ever thought I could be, but a year ago, I was scared.
Divorce – NOT!
When we got married, we agreed the word “divorce” was never allowed in our vocabulary and we have stuck with that promise. We both knew marriage would not be easy but we knew we loved God enough to trust Him to take us through anything as long as we kept our eyes on Jesus. I remember as I said my vows, I drew a line in the sand of my heart and said to my Saviour, “This is it. This is the one I love and I’m committing to. Thank you for giving me a loving devoted man.”
Joy and Sorrow – Grieving Differences
In the first 22 years, there was more joy than sorrow. Beautiful memories raising our children, wonderful friends, and growing in Jesus. The last 10 have been different and have made us realize we need God more than ever to keep our marriage together. Through each trial, we grieved differently and learned to grieve alone but still committing to keeping our eyes on God. I won’t share the whole story now, (that’s coming in my book), but a year ago, I didn’t know if our marriage would ever be happy again. It was never a thought of divorce but wondering if we would just have to resign ourselves to being sad forever. We found ourselves on different paths moving towards Jesus, wondering if we would ever be on the same path again. I was the bouncy, “let’s see the joy” member of the grieving marriage, always looking for purpose in our pain. I wanted Gary to pick up his bootstraps and find joy. He wasn’t ready for that and I am tearfully ashamed to admit, I was impatient and not very understanding or consoling.
Suddenly, this summer, through different experiences, I swam through a deeper grief, more than I had since Taylor had died. It was my husband’s example of grief and his beautiful undeserved sacrificial comfort in my grief that restored a deep bond that I had forgotten existed between us. His unconditional comfort, despite the fact that I had not given him much consolation through the first two years year of our deepest grief, softened my spirit and heart as I floated down this surprising path of grief that God was taking me on.
As I allowed myself to fall into my husband’s arms and not try to be the strong one, a different kind of peace settled into my heart. I felt protected and cherished and began to desire to meet Gary’s loved languages – quality time and acts of service. I helped in the yard and ran errands with him, making time for him even if it might not be the most convenient time for me. My added daily summer duties became scooping poop and vacuuming the pool, chores I had despised in the past and now found comfort doing! He said these simple acts were a major blessing for him and he didn’t realize it but that blessing turned around and made me feel more loved than I had felt in many years by him.
We then began to communicate with each other and really listen to each other’s heart. We have always been a pretty decent communicating family, but this went to a whole new level. For you who know me, listening is not my dominant position. Talking is my default! I began to really listen to how Gary was feeling and ask questions to get a clearer picture of his heart. I was able to better affirm his feelings and he with mine.
New Love and Peace
Our anniversary is on the eve of Taylor’s birthday in three days and Gary’s in five days. Yes, we are dealing with sadness at a time that used to be a week of celebration. We are celebrating in a new way now rejoicing in the comfortable love and peace that is in our hearts after God has restored our hearts to a new love, deeper than we knew was possible.